Monday, December 26, 2011

I LOVE YOU and other mush

We're BACK! Appologies for being away for so long. As many of you may already know A LOT has happened since we last posted.  We're going to do a little back tracking so we can catch everyone up.  Thank you for indulging us, as this blog is going to be more about recording everything than it is about entertaining.  In fact we stayed with some friends of Chris's last week while we were on our Epic Houston Road Trip 2011, and Tiffany had turned all of her blogs posts into cute coffee-table books.  I can definitely see this making it's way onto our coffee table in the future.  That being the case, I need to be better about capturing it all.

Anyways, on with our story...In this installment The Three Words are finally blurted out, in a not-so-graceful way, by yours-truly. Fortunately, Chris is there to take up the romantic-slack.  And make sure you stay tuned, because we've got SOOOOO MUCH more to tell you about, including the very eventful Epic Houston Road Trip 2011.  Which will include an unforgettable sparkly ending.


It has been 3 days removed from Megan's visit and her love and inspiration is still just as present as it was when she walked on to the plane. I have become a better man. In just the short time she spent with me, my outlook has changed completely. According to my friends I have been glowing. This is obvious to everyone and me, but what I have noticed most importantly is that my outlook on life has changed.
I am no longer stressed when I used to be. There is a calm about me. I believe that is one of blessing that I have in my life with Megan. I have been relying more on faith and Heavenly Father and trying to control less. I work as hard as I can and I realize that now, that is enough. My burden is shared, I don’t have to carry it alone, and Heavenly Father has shown me that it really isn't a burden. It is my gift. It is my role. It’s who I am. Megan has brought that perspective to me.

Side note...I am pretty sure that I am going to pass the bar exam, not just because I know that I can do it. Now more than ever I am sure that it’s part of Heavenly Father’s plan. He has sent Megan to me to show me that I can do this and she will be here to love me no matter what.

Yes, you read that correctly, love. I said it. YES, YES, I DID..and she does love me, and I love her. It is once again simple. Let’s not muck it up with talking about how we don't know because it is too soon or that we are jumping the gun. Honestly so what if we are. We know what we are doing and if it isn't right then it would not have been right from the get go. We have laid our cards on the table. We know what we are doing and in the end, if you doubt step away. We don't have time for you to try and cast your insecurities onto us. We love, and we will love, and we are going to keep loving.

OK, so lets go back to the story. I have to keep the story going because one, Megan loves the way I’m a story teller, and two, I like to tell stories this way.

Monday, November 14th: I wake up and wonder how i got so lucky!

Monday was supposed to be stressful. I had to juggle some finances, thanks to my fantastic new tires and rims. Normally this would be a source of stress, but it wasn't. I was calm. I went to work at the public defenders and joked with all my friends there. I went to lunch at my favorite place and spent MORE money on food. I was calm. For a couple of reasons. First, my faith in the fact that I trust in Heavenly Father and I know that I am keeping my side of the bargain and so will He. Secondly, I just trusted in the fact that things would work out and third, I was still so infatuated with Megan that everything else just seemed trivial. As long as I have her nothing is too far fetched.

So work came and went, but before the end of the day all my financial concerns had worked themselves out. This calm that I felt the whole day was from Heavenly Father and Megan. I’m serious. She calms me down. Along with Heavenly Father, she gets me to slow down and enjoy life, to enjoy things with her.
That night I had Family Home Evening with the elders and another night with Clint and Amanda. The night ended with a discussion of how wonderful Megan is and how great life is. Megan sent off her first rough draft of the blog. As I read it, I laughed and teared up. I was excited to start writing my portion of our story. I knew that I would have to just be me in the writing and the rest would come.

I went to bed Monday night, but not before talking to my love. These talks have become standard in my life and we did a recap of the weekend and eventually we went to bed, still not saying how we felt, but missing each other so much.

Tuesday, November 15th: The Spirit lives in my keyboard, and in Megan's tear ducts.

So Tuesday morning came. Now Tuesday was a busy day for me. I had to meet with several clients, new and old, to get work done and turned in. Get more work and meet with new clients, but in between that i had some Manny duty.
 Sidebar: Manny (aka “Male Nanny”) - I help take care of Ben and Kari's kids. Not that I am the primary caregiver, but they work nights and during the day I have the flexibility to help out around the house and I love these girls. They are so perfect. They are just love and energy and, though at times can be challenging, they are just perfect.

So I had manny duty to take care of. After Manny I sat down. The night before Megan had sent her version of our weekend for the blog and i was about to start mine. Let it be known now that I started thinking that I would be able to just run through it in 4 or 5 pages and I would be good. I would now like to point out that the Spirit lives in my key board, and would not let me just settle on 4 or 5 pages (long story short... 13 pages later I was done).

This took several loving hours to complete. However, more important than completing the tale was the process of putting it all together. I was able to digest everything that I felt about Megan. I came up with one answer. Love. I love her. That is what I figured out. This woman, as I have explained, means the world to me. I was able to reflect over 13 pages and 7.5 hours of writing my FIRST DRAFT that she is everything I’ve been explaining to you on these pages.

As I wrote I cried. I smiled. I laughed, and I loved. I relived the first moments of trying to think about her not liking the fact that I am a democrat, to the first time we talked on the phone. The taking notes about her family and making her a score card on my family. The process forced me to think about her and us. It was the best experience of my life. Really was. I should have done this years ago. I think that if I reviewed all relationships and ranked them by how I felt about the person and how they made me feel I would be a lot less available for people. OK, that is not true, but I would try.

The Spirit kept me going. Literally. I typed and typed, typed, typed, typed until I could not move. I didn't get weary or bored, I just fell more and more in love. By the way we still haven't said “the words” yet, that came on day 3.

That night I called Megan with my story. She wanted me to read it to her. Now we know that the Spirit lives in my key board, for her the Spirit lives in her tear ducts. As I read my words she cried, and i cried, we cried. It took me almost an hour and half to get through my words, stopping to feel the Spirit, but more importantly stopping to just appreciate what I wrote and how it made her feel. Good crying. We told stories of our lives post-this-past-weekend, what has changed and what we want. We danced around the “Love” word several times and shared some every intimate things and ended with things undone. Again I didn't have the guts to say the 3 simple words though I knew both of us felt it.

Later that night I went it Clint/Amanda’s house ready to talk about Megan and how much I love her. Clint/Amanda and I talked several hours about Megan and me and the blog. They added such great insight and told me how happy they are for me. They look at me and see that I am in a much better place than where I was a year ago. They are so proud of my progress and they can't wait to see how much further it goes. I talked about the blog. They are sooo excited which made me excited for everything. This was a great end to a perfect day. I went to bed playing on the iPad. Sleep came eventually.

Wednesday, November 16th: The announcement, the fallout, the love and the words that change our lives.

Wednesday morning came and it was early. I was picking up Ben for work and driving him to Salinas. Hopefully this time my car wouldn’t break down. Megan had gotten up 4 hours before me (cause she is crazy like that) and opened our blog, did the first post and went live with the blog. She also changed her Facebook status to indicate a relationship with me. So my Facebook had blown up in the early hours of the morning. This would set the tone for the rest of the day.

It all started at the first phone call around 7am. Megan was talking to me and then let it slip... I will quote her here because it's great.

Megan: "Chris, no matter how much i love you, i need to sleep tonight"

Me: *did she just say love?* "OK sweetheart, i ll just catch you before class" * wait she did say love*... *SHE LOVES ME!!!!!!!!

Phone conversation ends.

My next text: "I would like to point out that the best way to start my day is to hear you tell me that you love me. Just warmed my heart and made me smile"

Megan's text " Get used to it :-) "

Me: "I love you to"


I'm going to interject here, because I think it's important that you hear my take on the "I Love You" conversation. 

As you may remember from my earlier conversations, Chris is a night-person while I am a morning-person.  And since we've been together, my schedule has taken a dramatic nose-dive.  I'm staying up late every night to talk to him and still have to get up early (by 4:30am).  Chris on the other has a much more relaxed morning schedule.  I was getting to the point where I felt like the walking dead and my intake of Diet Coke had dramatically increased - needed it to stay awake by the end of the afternoon.  So that Wednesday morning, I was feeling it bad.

I was driving into work and talking to Chris on the phone.  I knew that I had to get some decent sleep that night, no matter how much I wanted to stay up and talk to him.  And so I said:
Megan: "Chris, no matter how much i love you, i need to sleep tonight" [Oh, crap, did I just say that out loud. I'm going to chalk it up to lack of sleep. I was waiting for him to say it first. Maybe he didn't notice...]
Chris: [did she just say love?] "OK sweetheart, i ll just catch you before class" [Wait she did say love...SHE LOVES ME!!!!!!!!]
Megan: [Oh, well. Not like it's a surprise.]
 I head into my office, and as I'm walking in I get a text from Chris.
Chris: I would like to point out that the best way to start my day is to hear you tell me that you love me. Just warmed my heart and made me smile.
Megan: [Guess he heard me and is OK with it. *big cheezy grin*] Get used to it! :)

Chris: I love you too.
Holy Cow! That's a first. I immediately get choked up.  We've moved our relationship to a new level.  I knew that I loved Chris, but I didn't want to jump to any conclusions about how he felt about me.  Fortunately, he was making it pretty obvious.  Unfortunately, he was doing it via text, while I was at work...not thrilled about that! So I fired off a response.
 Megan: Really not something I wanted to hear via text while I'm at work. It's something I want to hear in person. Agghh!

Chris: You will. And everyday after that and every phone call after that and every text after that until I no longer have ability to communicate.
Dang it, now I'm really choked up and there are tears involved. He's soooo much more romantic than I am. 
Megan: Agghh! Don't make me cry.
Chris: I'll try not to but you cry easy and I feel so deep for you.

Megan: I love you!

Chris: Ben loves us too.  He's reading the texts sitting next to me.

Ben gets in the car and flurry of texts later initiates the I love you more easily and we move forward. Ben says he loves us as well, that’s how we roll. But the words were spoken. I knew the day would be great with that off my chest. Once again the Spirit prompts and I follow through. I just keep obeying and life is getting much better. Surrender and you will be rewarded.

Well I get to Ben’s and Megan is already crying at work feeling like the most special girl in the world, which she is, and I am on Manny duties. I get the girls ready for school and nap time and boom I find myself with free time. Then I hit Facebook.

HOLY COW FACEBOOK. I have some 35 notifications about status' that I have be mentioned in have been commented on. I am looking around Facebook and Megan posted the blog and changed her status. It was time for me to tackle the Facebook. So I approve everything to add to my profile. Little did I know this would take my world by storm.

I change my status and everyone and their brother comes out of the wood work - the texts and messages and phone calls. I realized a few things. I did not tell enough people about Megan, and I guess I offended everyone that I didn't tell because they had to find out via Facebook that I have a new girlfriend. Either way, I am just like get over it.

I spent the next few hours texting Megan, chilling and answering questions. It was great. I was able to read Megan's draft of the blog and it was perfect. She decided that she would release everything in chapters for people.

BTW we will try to keep up every few days on this, but somedays we won't have as much action as these past few days..but when the road trip comes.. oh for sure their will be a lot going on there.

As of a few minutes ago The Blog has gotten over 175 hits today and we have people loving the blog, expressing joys for us and threatening my life. Which seems normal for Mormons right? Gooooood idddeeeeaaaaaaa? NEVER. OK, sorry doing bar prep and I get lost.

We have felt an outpouring of happiness for us. Both her friends and mine are talking about how great it is that we are together. I fielded phone calls throughout the day, but I felt one of the most important conversations I had that day was with Dave.

Dave - we need to introduce this man now - is the John Lennon to my Paul McCarthy. He is overseas serving our country, but there is still not an inch of day light between us. Dave knows me better than most and I trust him more than most. I would never do anything without running it by him. So Megan and my relationship is something I wanted to talk about with him.

Megan and I are starting the same way as Dave and his wife Kara. We met online, then text, then phone, then meeting. Dave was cautious about me getting this excited about a girl. (He has seen me hurt before and doesn't want that to ever happen again.) So I talked to Dave and was very open about everything. He agreed that I was doing this the right way and gave the blessing to continue. Though I did not need it, he is a big part of my life and i wanted his input and support. He has never pulled a punch and has always been up front with me about everything I respect him and look to him for great advice.

Dave and I continued to talk, Megan even jumped in to the conversation with Dave and that made me sooo happy. She is coming into my world and yes I am world-wide, but she is holding her own. I sat and played with my nieces, cleaned the house, did my manny duties, but all the while beamed because she loves me.

The day goes into night and I head off to school, we talk for a minute and finally the words are said “in person”. We ended our call as she leaves for her friends, who are sure to ask her a 1000 questions about me, with our first official "I love you" and it felt great. Her voice saying those words would give me the strength to move mountains.

Her love for me will carry me for the rest of my life and as I use the word love, for me it synonymous with forever. So as this night is coming to an end, Clint and Amanda are wanting to talk rings and what I need to do. I am not opposed to this idea, but in truth we have decided that this talk, the forever talk is something that we need to talk about when we are in person. Why? Because I want to see the look in her eyes when we have this talk. I want to see the love when I say what needs to be said and I want that hug when we decide our future.

For now I am in love with her, she gets me all my quarks and all my faults and still loves me. She understands what is important, she gets my stupidity and my needs, she compliments me in ways i never knew possible. I love her... once again. I am not making this difficult.

Last time I ended the blog post with “She makes me happy”, now it is “Megan makes me happy and i love her”. Still simple and still perfect. She is the one for me. As for the next steps only the Lord knows and time will tell.